• Kris R.

could you date someone that is friends with their ex?

Is this something that you would be comfortable with? Have you been there, done that? Does it bother you or do you not care?


It's crazy because this is a piece that has been sitting in my drafts since the beginning of June 2021 & I'm happy that I decided to let it marinate for this time because now my approach is a little different.


I always love topics that bring different perspectives & answers out of people, & I know that is one of those topics.


It is one of those things where it can be seen as sticky, or a hit or miss, or a 'maybe but probably not' type of situation. There are the people that would say that it is something that does not bother them. And then, there are the others who would say "Oh, you got me fucked up if you thought ..."


Because there are also people (exes) who have genuinely moved on from each other & can still have a platonic relationship with each other, or ... there are people who cannot maintain a friendship due to the fact that someone may still have leftover feelings for the other. So, what happens then?


This is something that is something that showed up in space recently because of the person that I am currently infatuated with. And you know how they say that your someone will always have that one thing. Well, that was that one thing.


Now, let me fill you in on a little bit of my past experiences with dating/being in relationships with people who still had their ex included in their day to day lives. Long story short: they had me fucked up. It was a lot of side-eyeing, inappropriate, sneaky activity happening in those "friendships". This is what led to me not being a fan of the whole "being best friends with your ex" thing.


To be honest, that's probably the theme for people who feel a level uncomfortableness about their person being "buddy buddy" with their ex. We got trust issues, dammit!! And to be even more honest, we just don't have the time or energy to be put through the same foolery.


When I was made aware that my current crush was a part of this particular club. My immediate thought was, "Here we go with this shit again." I had to immediately check myself & address my own feelings about in reference to what I had experienced in the past versus my current perspective. Then, new thoughts began to surface. Is this something I had dealt with/healed from? Obviously not, if somehow it still causes a love of discomfort. Is this showing up again because it's time to heal from it & officially move on? Hmm ... I literally forced myself into this because I acknowledged that it was time to let go of past hurt & somehow let the past continue to interfere with my current space. Sounds easy, right? Wrong!!


For example, and this happened early on, where the ex decided to confess their feelings to my person & being deep in their feelings, realizing that my person had really moved on & was actually happy. Laughing my ass off! I can laugh now but back then, I was honestly annoyed. Like, what? Get over yourself.


It wasn't even that I felt like they were a threat. Because, no. I'm nothing less that an upgrade, period. It was just the principle of the matter. Like, why did you feel like this was okay? Prime example of what I said earlier, we. don't. have. time!


However, it was the way my person handled it that made more appreciative of this new space, & less feeling like I was about to drop this whole thing. They made the decision to separate themselves from the ex in order to prevent any type of other confusion with the current relationship. Literally the energy that I needed!


But let's talk about how that was something that I never experienced before. My exes did not have that same courtesy or respect for our relationship to cut people off when it was necessary. The ghetto!


Nonetheless, it was a major challenge to really accept what I needed to gain from this experience(s). Was I just going to drop this current relationship & keep pushing because I would rather not deal with the past bleeding into my present? Or, was I going to dig a little deeper of why this is even something that causes me discomfort & makes me feel super cringy at the idea of it?


It took a lot out of me, but I chose the second option. I became aware that there was a part of me that felt threatened by that type of "friendship", simply because of my what I experienced in my past relationships. I assumed & was afraid that my current person was going to lie to my face & tell me what I wanted me whatever I wanted to hear just for me to let things go & move on. I assumed & was afraid that they were going to be on some sneaky shit & still entertain the ex, regardless of how I felt about it.


I had to make the decision to let. that. hurt. go! If I'm going to be willing to put my trust into someone & give them my heart, then I have to do just that. If a person is showing me that I absolutely, positively have nothing to worry about ... why not just trust that? Easier said that done, right? TELL ME ABOUT IT!!


At the end of the day, it is really about the way your partner handles the situations. Do they respect your mind? Are they setting boundaries with this ex that make you feel more comfortable about their friendship? Are they securing your mind? Are they willing to do what it is takes to make you all's relationship is a priority? Think about it!


Whew! Now, enough about me! Listen, I'm not hear to tell you whether you should give someone who is close with their ex a chance or not. That is primarily your battle to fight. I'm hear to encourage you to become more aware of some of the hurt that you might be holding onto that is preventing you from fully receiving the love that you desire, and also deserve. It's time to let go, friend.


Remember to love on your growing self. You deserve it! And you deserve to be free!




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