not accepted does not mean unacceptable.
Back in December 2020, I submitted my application for a Ph.D. program at the University of Maryland. For the longest, I was on the fence about even going back to school to pursue my Doctorate. Nevertheless, I decided to put myself out there because I have many goals & visions of what I would want to do with that particular degree. Yesterday, April 2nd, I received the decision letter that thanked me for my “interest” & they regretted to inform that they are unable to offer me admissions.
I was honestly taken aback because I could not wrap my head around what could possibly be the reason for them not accepting me. And then, there was the hundreds of different thoughts — Was I not good enough or educated enough? Is this something I am even capable of doing? Should I try again next year or not worry about it? Is this my calling? The whole nine!!
One thought was me being relieved that I didn’t tell that many people so I wouldn’t have to admit this over & over again. Part of me was shamed because there was a certain level of confidence that I would be back in school come Fall 2021. That pridefulness was overshadowing the idea of me having to admit this to others, especially when the people around me were getting their acceptance letters to their different programs. I could not!
Once I got over the feeling of shame, something told me that instead of hiding this, share my story with others who may also need it. Now here we are!!
My own faith & advice is being tested because now it’s up to me to believe that there is a reason why it happened the way that it did & I have to trust that. There’s no questioning God’s plan. There’s no doubting myself.
This is the time to be still & really listen to what God is about to place in my path & knowing that it will be something bigger/better than the vision I saw for myself. It will be far more than the plans I had. I will spend this weekend being more present & listening & paying more attention to what God may have for me in this coming season.
It could very much well be that the timing was off. And there’s something else I need to be giving my time & energy to these next few months/years. It could be that the University of Maryland was not the place where I needed to study. Maybe they weren’t good enough for me, instead of vice versa. Or maybe I don't officially need a Doctorate to do things that I envision for myself. There could be a number of reasons why I wasn’t accepted.
Trusting that whatever the reason is will unfold in due time is where I am on this journey. I have to be. Or else, I’d overthink myself to death about all the “what if’s” & “should’ve”s. We don’t need that.
I’m aware this will definitely bring up an area of growth & uncomfortableness for me. I look forward to seeing how I come out on the other side.
Do not let one "No" or "We regret to inform you..." or unacceptance make you give up on yourself or your dreams. If you believe in yourself, then no one else can stop you from reaching your goals. Go after everything you deserve!!